What if?

I've been sitting her wondering "if". I want my babies back so badly! I want the pain to stop! I want "what if" never to be a thought in my head again.

If the twins were here we would be planning a party it's almost their Birthday, if they could see their sisters and brothers how much they would love them, if I could hold their hands and kiss them again my heart might not hurt so, much. If Mina was here our family would be complete, Merrick would be the big brother he is suppose to be, if tiny Jon-Brie was here her daddy's joy would be beyond words, and Mommy would never have to cry, and if Kurtis, was here what a great biggest brother he would to, all of the others. Sassy would be so jealous of her twin sisters, and Chy would have sisters her age to do things with and to fight with, to "crush on" boys with. Bevie would have her tiny baby sisters to love and spoil just like Bear,
there would be a busy house full, and I would never have time to just sit and be sad, there would be nothing to be sad about.

If is a crappy thing to have to sit and think about, if I had known sooner what would I have done?