Layla Beth and Shannon Grace were born on Aug. 25, 1995, at 26 weeks. They we're the most beautifl girls I have ever seen, so perfect and small. Layla Beth was 1lb 5oz and 12 inches long, ShannonGrace was 1lb 3oz and 11 1/2 inches
It was some time in March that I found out I was having a Baby and boy did my life change, when I told my boyfriend at the time he freaked out and told me to get an abortion, so to make a long story short here, I told him, where he could go...... anyway I was so happy I just couldn't believe it, I was 23 and thought I knew everything. I went to my first ob appt, not sure what the date was but it was a friday, (funny how it never occured to me at the time to keep track of stuff) and I had the weekend off from work, so anyway he's checking things out, your standard stuff, but measures my belly and says "are you sure about you missed period, because I think your much farther along then your telling me", "ummm yep I'm sure", so he says "come on we'll do an ultrasound", yippie I get to see the baby, "oh that why there's two". " huh, what?" did he say two? no no way we don't have twins in my family, so again I said "what did you say?" "oh, there's two","so you'd be due December 21, but we'll probably do a c-section in November"
Oh My gosh two, what do you do with two? I called everyone and told them it was two, it was so exciting, the babies grew and so did my belly, the morning sickness was unbelieaveable, I threw up everything and even stuff i never though of eating, and was horrably sick, but it was so worth it.
Aug.22, I had a ob appt and my doctor was very concerned because I had lost 5 more pounds so he did some blood work to make sure I was OK, I was just really sick. we talked about me going on bed rest because the babies we're so big, so at my next appt in 2 weeks he was going to have me stay home for the rest of the pregnancy, but we never made it to the next two weeks.
Aug. 24, I was working and all day my back was hurting but, no surprise I looked like I ate a watermelon farm, and I kept felling like I had to pee, every 15 seconds, I swear. I did call the Dr. and he said it was just the weight of the babies, and not to worry, and if I need to come in tomorrow and he'll put me off work sooner. so I left work and wen home took a bath and went to sleep, but my back hurt so bad, I got up and went to E.R, they took me straight to L.D.R. they hooked me up to all sorts of machines and determined I was in labor it is now Aug. 25,1995 and my water broke and my girls we're coming weather I wanted them to or not. My doctor tried everything to stop the labor, but nothing was working, so I got a shot of steroids to help the babies, after a very short time, I started bleeding and the Dr. told me that if I wanted to save the babies they had to do a c-section now! so I of course agreed, and things happened so fast, I didn't know what was going on, I was so scared and having a hard time breathing the only thing I remember was one of my babies crying such a tiny little noise, and my mom being pushed out of the room and then nothing, some how my lungs had stopped working and I had to be put on a ventilator for a few hours while my babies we're fighting for their lives. after I finally work up hours later the girls we're stable enough to transport to Children Hospital of Orange County, I did for a brief moment get to see them but not touch them.
The next day I wanted so badly to go see them the nurse helped me to get up and I refused the pain meds so I could leave but, I was still not breathing well enough and my Dr. wouldn't let me go, so I spent the day on the phone with the babies nurses and Dr. trying to make everything OK.
Aug 27 the day my world stopped, I finally told my Dr. to let me go or I was leaving without his approval, I needed to see my girls, so he gave me a shoot of morphine and let me go, it was a 2 hour drive to the other hospital and my babies were in trouble and needed me, by the time I got there, they we're doing so badly, they were breathing well and all but they had bleeding in their brain I think it was grade, 4, again one of those things I can't remember, all I know is Layla was so much worse then her sister and was never going to open her eyes and Shannon would be have been brain dead if we kept her on life support, but after talking with the Doctors and praying I did the HARDEST thing I will ever have to do, I signed a paper asking for my daughters to be taken off life support, I held them for 6 hour, thye both tried so hard to hang on, Shannon was the first to let go and be with God, Layla took a while longer I kissed her so gently and told her it was ok to go that momma would be fine, I died with them that day, only I'm not good enough to go with them just yet. But I did get 6 hours with them I changed them and took pictures and kissed and loved them, I loved them before they were on this Earth and will Love them for all Eternity.
They are buried together in a blanket I made for them in matching dresses, in the Cemetery where my grandparents are, I had them put together because I did want them to be alone they always had each other so I just kept it that way.
Shannon always was my fighter always kicking me and her sister and anyone who dared to bug her and Layla was calm but so very strong, 13 years now and I still hurt so much. I miss my girls, the joy I had the time I got with them, the pain and sorrow is still raw not as intense most of the time and I do find peace for time to time, either that or I'm a really good Liar.
It was some time in March that I found out I was having a Baby and boy did my life change, when I told my boyfriend at the time he freaked out and told me to get an abortion, so to make a long story short here, I told him, where he could go...... anyway I was so happy I just couldn't believe it, I was 23 and thought I knew everything. I went to my first ob appt, not sure what the date was but it was a friday, (funny how it never occured to me at the time to keep track of stuff) and I had the weekend off from work, so anyway he's checking things out, your standard stuff, but measures my belly and says "are you sure about you missed period, because I think your much farther along then your telling me", "ummm yep I'm sure", so he says "come on we'll do an ultrasound", yippie I get to see the baby, "oh that why there's two". " huh, what?" did he say two? no no way we don't have twins in my family, so again I said "what did you say?" "oh, there's two","so you'd be due December 21, but we'll probably do a c-section in November"
Oh My gosh two, what do you do with two? I called everyone and told them it was two, it was so exciting, the babies grew and so did my belly, the morning sickness was unbelieaveable, I threw up everything and even stuff i never though of eating, and was horrably sick, but it was so worth it.
Aug.22, I had a ob appt and my doctor was very concerned because I had lost 5 more pounds so he did some blood work to make sure I was OK, I was just really sick. we talked about me going on bed rest because the babies we're so big, so at my next appt in 2 weeks he was going to have me stay home for the rest of the pregnancy, but we never made it to the next two weeks.
Aug. 24, I was working and all day my back was hurting but, no surprise I looked like I ate a watermelon farm, and I kept felling like I had to pee, every 15 seconds, I swear. I did call the Dr. and he said it was just the weight of the babies, and not to worry, and if I need to come in tomorrow and he'll put me off work sooner. so I left work and wen home took a bath and went to sleep, but my back hurt so bad, I got up and went to E.R, they took me straight to L.D.R. they hooked me up to all sorts of machines and determined I was in labor it is now Aug. 25,1995 and my water broke and my girls we're coming weather I wanted them to or not. My doctor tried everything to stop the labor, but nothing was working, so I got a shot of steroids to help the babies, after a very short time, I started bleeding and the Dr. told me that if I wanted to save the babies they had to do a c-section now! so I of course agreed, and things happened so fast, I didn't know what was going on, I was so scared and having a hard time breathing the only thing I remember was one of my babies crying such a tiny little noise, and my mom being pushed out of the room and then nothing, some how my lungs had stopped working and I had to be put on a ventilator for a few hours while my babies we're fighting for their lives. after I finally work up hours later the girls we're stable enough to transport to Children Hospital of Orange County, I did for a brief moment get to see them but not touch them.
The next day I wanted so badly to go see them the nurse helped me to get up and I refused the pain meds so I could leave but, I was still not breathing well enough and my Dr. wouldn't let me go, so I spent the day on the phone with the babies nurses and Dr. trying to make everything OK.
Aug 27 the day my world stopped, I finally told my Dr. to let me go or I was leaving without his approval, I needed to see my girls, so he gave me a shoot of morphine and let me go, it was a 2 hour drive to the other hospital and my babies were in trouble and needed me, by the time I got there, they we're doing so badly, they were breathing well and all but they had bleeding in their brain I think it was grade, 4, again one of those things I can't remember, all I know is Layla was so much worse then her sister and was never going to open her eyes and Shannon would be have been brain dead if we kept her on life support, but after talking with the Doctors and praying I did the HARDEST thing I will ever have to do, I signed a paper asking for my daughters to be taken off life support, I held them for 6 hour, thye both tried so hard to hang on, Shannon was the first to let go and be with God, Layla took a while longer I kissed her so gently and told her it was ok to go that momma would be fine, I died with them that day, only I'm not good enough to go with them just yet. But I did get 6 hours with them I changed them and took pictures and kissed and loved them, I loved them before they were on this Earth and will Love them for all Eternity.
They are buried together in a blanket I made for them in matching dresses, in the Cemetery where my grandparents are, I had them put together because I did want them to be alone they always had each other so I just kept it that way.
Shannon always was my fighter always kicking me and her sister and anyone who dared to bug her and Layla was calm but so very strong, 13 years now and I still hurt so much. I miss my girls, the joy I had the time I got with them, the pain and sorrow is still raw not as intense most of the time and I do find peace for time to time, either that or I'm a really good Liar.
2 comments:
Thank you for sharing your angels Layla and Shannon. They are so precious and beautiful. I'll be thinking of you as their birthday approaches, it must be a bittersweet.
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