A letter from Savannah

Dear baby sister,

from the time mommy said that we were going to have a baby sister I was so, so happy. I was so happy that I was getting ready for you, then I was at school and everybody seemed so,so so, sad. Mommy said you went to Heaven. Every year on your birthday we are all very sad but I will always be happy that your my baby sister.

I love you Happy Birthday!
Big Sister Savannah

Letter to Mina

Dearest Mina,

Today is your Birthday again and it's been three years since I held you. I remember every detail of your sweet face, your eyes just like Savannah's and lips just like Merrick's, your lovely dark hair, there was so much hair already, your sweet spirit that I felt from, the first time I heard your heartbeat. I miss talking to you and getting to know you, I wonder if you still like peach ice cream (weird craving).

I dreamed of you just a few nights before we found out you died, I have always wondered if you were trying to prepare me for what was about to happen, you looked just like you did in my dream. I still dream about you, dancing and playing with your sisters and brother, with Grandma and Papa watching over you, or you holding a little gray kitten, smiling at me from a distance. I hope someday that I can be with you again, I miss you all so much!

I'm doing better now, I can talk about you and share your story without breaking down every time, I can think of the wonderful things about your being here and not just the fact that your gone now. I know you and the my other angels watch over the kids here and keep them safe.

Little love you are a special treasure that I will never give up, having you was one of the greatest gifts I've gotten and I would do it all over a thousand times, just to spend a single second with you, the joy and love you have given our family and the gifts you left behind make it all worth it.

I miss you. I love you! Happy Birthday in Heaven my sweet angel.

with all my love,
Mommy

Good Bye 2010

This year, my family went through some of our hardest times, we struggled and things did not work out they way I would have ever thought. Being a single parent again has been a challenge and has made the kids and I closer then ever.

Lucien has grown so much, talking and learning, he is amazing beyond belief. His smile lights up the room, I know he was sent here to heal my heart, and doing a great job of it!

Merrick has become such a big boy, potty training, and talking so well, he is so tall and handsome, smart as can be, and sweet to his baby brother.

Savannah is just the same, sweet, caring giving and just wonderful! She loves the baby boys, and helps take care of them so much!

Cheyenne has grown into an amazing young lady, she started High School, and went to her first real dance, has her first boyfriend(ugh). She loves here little brother's and sister so much, I'm so proud of her!

Beverly has also grown into a wonderful young lady, she's in nursing school, and doing GREAT!

We had a long and eventful year, part of it good, part of it not so much, but we made it through, and will be stronger because of it.

Happy New Year!

Lucien 2010

Healing

So I have an amazing person in my life now, who is helping things heal...crazy!! He is so great I've know him since i was 6 years old so I guess he's not new but he's back, it's been so long since, I had someone around who remembers the old me (before my losses), he's also helping me with the kids to be a better mom.
Not that I'm a bad mom, just sometimes the sorrow takes away any joy I get out of holidays, I have learned that it's O.K. to enjoy the day, and still love and miss the babies! I know I should have got this sooner but amid all the crap I was going through, with other parts of my life I some how forgot....so, while I'm still really mad, (been mad for about a year now) I am finding joy in small ways. I am so grateful for my earth Angels, I'm not sure I would have the strength to go on in this life without them and Lucien is the very best rainbow I could have gotten, he brings joy to everyone, mostly me, all the time he is for sure a special spirit, and I know he was sent to help me heal.......

I really hope the "mad" goes away soon it's so exhausting! and I have found myself getting bitter, I'm sure that in time I can get through it, all*sigh*

Halloween 2010

we had a GREAT Halloween this year, Chy was a house wife, I thought it was FUNNY!!! she was embarrassed until people told her how great she looked, Savannah was a lady bug (of course) Merrick was, Spider Man, he loves it so much he won't take it off,lol and Lucien was a lawn Gnome, OMG he was so cute!!!

October Birthday's

I'm late on this post, but it was Chy's Birthday and then Bears....

Chy is now 14 and in High School, she gets more amazing everyday and is really enjoying High School, she's in Band and Chior, and also the Christan Club, not sure what that is but she seems to like it. She has bloomed into a beautiful young lady, inside and out too. She loves her brothers so much, she likes Sassy sort of,lol

Bear(Merrick) is 4 now and so wonderful, he talks more and more everyday and growing like a weed!!!! I'm so proud of him! he is adjusting so well to our move and is even mor loving then ever, tonigh when I got home after looking at a house for us to move into, he ran to me saying "give me love, your home" then he insited on making me kiss him twice, he is the best 4 year old I could ask for!!!!!