another Birthday post?

it was just Shannon and Layla's 16 th Birthday and no matter how hard I tried I just couldn't write about it, not because I didn't want to celebrate their life but because it's also their 16 th year away from me.

I had a dream that there was a party for them in Heaven, with balloons, flowers and an HUGE cake. My grandparents were there, so were Kurtis and Mina and lots of other sweet angels. I guess it should have been a happy dream but when I woke up I was sobbing. The pain and anger and sorrow hit me again, like a ton of bricks. I make up reason in my head as to why they had to go, but the truth is there is no valid reason why my sweet girls are not with me. I even act like I'm "over" it. I found myself was annoyed when I got an invitation to an angelversary event for a baby who had been gone 26 years. I thought how could this mom not be over it? I think I was annoyed because I want some sort of hope that, the pain goes away, or gets easier. I of all people know it doesn't, at best it's not as sharp.

I wish I could be at peace with my Angel's being gone, I wish I had some comfort, but mostly I wish they were all here with me.

HAPPY 16 th BIRTHDAY
LAYLA BETH AND  SHANNON GRACE

mommy love's you with all of her heart...